Commitment

Today, as I write this I am celebrating my 10th wedding anniversary. My wife and I had actually been together for just over 25 years but I remember a cold January morning at Gretna Green two months before we got married when we first met our minister.

At that meeting our minister asked a couple of questions that got us thinking deeply about our decision. Though each question sounded simple enough, they gave us a great deal of thought and can be adapted to suit almost any decision point.

Why?

The first question John asked was “Why are you getting married?”. He pointed out that we had been together for over 15 years without taking this step and wondered about our reasons for choosing that moment.

The answer was complex and was wrapped up in some of the challenges we had faced in our relationship, and how we had come through them with a renewed commitment to each other.

Why Now?

John’s second question penetrated deeper into our reasons, “Why now?”. In other words what was significant in the timing and why had we waited so long when others never commit or perhaps commit to one another very early.

Naturally, some of the reasons we had already discussed played a part but in many ways the timing was about the future which we now saw clearly, perhaps for the first time in a long time. 

Why Commit?

The two questions, simple but profound, can be applied to almost any decision in your life, be it personal, professional or business related. What is the ‘driver’ for your decision - WHY? - and what is the driver for the timing of your decision - WHY NOW?. 

It seems to me that if you are not able to answer the questions to your own satisfaction then perhaps the decision needs more thought. Don’t get me wrong, not every decision needs that careful consideration or depth of thought; however, those that will have a profound and long lasting impact really should.

And when you answer the questions to your satisfaction you have the basis to form a commitment to a different future or paradigm. And when you make that commitment public, as in a marriage, it profoundly changes its impact. A wedding is NOT a marriage; a wedding includes the marriage ceremony of course but it is the commitment to one another for the future that is the heart of a marriage.

So it is in the rest of our lives. The big launch, the amazing conference, the fabulous course or the spotlight are not the start of a wonderful new future. It is the quiet commitment to oneself or the public commitment, such as marriage vows, that we articulate and take action to fulfil that truly changes our path and our future.

After our marriage my father asked me whether I felt any different; I told him I did but couldn’t quite put my finger on it. “Perhaps” he said, “your first marriage was a wedding; your second was a commitment”.